A Writer's Balm of Relief
by Sweet Bitter Life
Summary: Harry Potter couldn't remember when he first started writing. But it has been a part of him ever since...


**Title: A Writer's Balm of Relief**

**Summary: Harry Potter couldn't remember when he first started writing. But it has been a part of him ever since.**

He couldn't remember quite well when he first started writing, but he supposed it was right after he learned to actually write. Harry remembered ripping the empty pages of old muggle notebooks and stealing Dudley's pencils or pens. He would guard them in his cupboard and when he was locked inside, he would write until his hand couldn't take it anymore.

Since he didn't own any books to read, he believed he should make his own stories, for his enjoyment. At first, he would always write about nasty things that would happen to Dudley. He wrote plans to make Dudley embarrass himself in front of his friends and in front of his parents. Harry very much enjoyed reading them and chuckling softly at his ideas.

Then it continued with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. Even back then, he would write things up that were only possibly thanks to magic, even if he didn't know he was a wizard. In his stories, Aunt Petunia would wake up with blue hair and Uncle Vernon would appear with frog legs and having to hop all the way to his work.

It amused him greatly; it was his way to pass time and forget he lived with his awful relatives. But when he came to Hogwarts, he nearly forgot about his old hobby, with Quidditch to play and spells to learn. But in the summer after his first year at Hogwarts, he regained his hobby again. This time, he wrote about Voldemort, his parents, his friends, and those whom he disliked. He rewrote his time at Hogwarts in the loneliness of the summer when he believed Ron and Hermione had forgotten about him.

By the end of his second year, he had bought a journal. Obviously he got the idea from certain Dark Lord, but who didn't have their own journal those days? In the summer, he wrote about the experience in the Chamber of Secrets, about Lockhart, about his Parselmouth abilities and about how Tom Riddle had almost killed Ginny. He wrote it in his own words, adding a few thoughts here and there. It was all written in a narrative way, very much like a storybook.

In his third year, he had brought along the journal and even though he had been worried about Sirius Black and the Dementors, he found the time to write a bit and work on his writing skills. Ron made fun of him for carrying a journal, but Harry didn't listen. Ron wouldn't ever understand how the words healed him.

In fourth year, he was even surprised he could find time to write a magnificent tale involving the dragon he fought at the First Task. But right after the event of the Third Task, his writing became more dark and depressing. The summer after fourth year was plagued with many nightmares, and the only way he could deal with his emotions was through writing all them down.

In those weeks he spent at Grimmauld Place, he did something he never thought doing before. He showed the journal to Sirius after he was found writing in a corner. He wanted to explain how he felt when the adults were treating him like a child, but the only way he could was through his journal. It took Sirius three whole days to read it, and when he returned it to Harry, he felt compel to apologize once more for not being there for his godson. Harry was happy someone understood him at last.

Once in fifth year, the journal was his balm of relief; with Umbridge down his neck and the defense classes with the D.A, Harry believed he would go insane if he didn't write at least an hour before bed. He wrote about the lies of the Daily Prophet and how it bothered him that Dumbledore wouldn't speak to him.

After the events at the Ministry, Harry found it difficult to write again. He couldn't or wouldn't try writing down all the despair he felt inside him. So the journal was left untouched for the first weeks of the summer vacation. When Dumbledore told him about his inheritance, he also gave him a letter Sirius had left for him. At first Harry refused to read its content, knowing that if he did, he wouldn't be able to bear the pain. But eventually, he opened the letter. Sirius told him that he had a talent, that he had never felt so alive until he read Harry's feelings through the journal. He told him to not give up, and that if he liked to write, then write he should.

The night before returning to Hogwarts, Harry began to write on his journal again.

He wrote down his suspicions about Malfoy and about his lessons with Dumbledore. He also wrote about the Prince and his lessons with Slughorn. He even included some paragraphs dedicated to Snape, about how horrible the professor was. And if you read closely, you would find Harry's first ever love poem, dedicated to a certain red-head.

At the end of sixth year, instead of refusing his personal balm of relief, he embraced it with well stirred tears. His eyes were always blurry as he wrote about Dumbledore's death and Snape's betrayal. He wrote many times about the prophecy and the horcruxes. As he wrote his plans down, they seemed real and easier to follow.

But he decided he wouldn't bring his journal when horcrux hunting. He knew that if someone ever laid hands on it, there would be too much information that could be used against him. So he left the journal at his vaults at Gringotts before settling on his journey with his friends. But even so, Harry would take Hermione's empty pieces of parchment and write his adventures with his friends. He swore he would have lost his head if he didn't.

After the Last Battle, Harry retrieved his journal from his vaults. All he wanted was to disappear for a year and forget about the last ten months he lived as a runaway. After assisting all the following funerals, he locked himself at Grimmauld Place with only Kreacher for company.

He filled the pages with his fears, his nightmares, his happiness, his sadness, his new found dreams, his plans for the future, about all the surprises he found along the way, about what he felt when he saw Voldemort's body fall. That week it was for him to find himself again, to makes plans and to make amends with himself. Eventually, his journal ran out of pages and it reached its end. Harry knew it was also a closure for him.

He bought another journal and he kept the old in his vaults. This time he started fresh and actually looking forward for a better life. He wrote about his godson, Teddy, and how he was afraid he wouldn't do a good job being a godfather. He wrote about his Auror training and how tough the routine was. But nevertheless, he never stopped writing.

When he had married Ginny, he presented her the poem he wrote for her. He also showed her some of the stories he wrote as a child. Ginny told him he should become a published author. Harry wasn't so sure.

When James was born, Harry was a best-selling author both in the Wizarding World and in the Muggle World. But only his journal knew the joy he felt when holding his first born son.

He continued to write stories. He found out that he loved having a major children's audience. He wrote stories inspired about James and his occurrences, and the same he did once Albus was born. Again, only his journal knew his true feelings and thoughts when he held his second born. He felt proud when writing that Albus had inherited Lily's eyes, just like him.

When Lily Luna was born, things were a little different. Having already experience with two boys, he knew what to expect. But this time it was a baby girl, a beautiful girl just like her mother, and he was as clueless as he once was when James came to live with them. He wrote all his concerns down, and for a moment he considered writing a guide for first time parents. He shook away the idea; that wouldn't work.

Once Harry and Ginny decided that three was enough, Harry had reunited his three darlings and showed them his old journal. That night it started was they called later "The Potter's Storytelling Nights". Harry would choose a entry from his journal and he would read it to them. The children soon learned about his father's years at Hogwarts and the lasting effects of the war.

Harry, as a rushed new idea of his, gave each child a journal for their eleventh birthday. He wasn't disappointed though. He saw Albus, Lily and even James picking up his old hobby thoroughly and he never felt more proud. Harry had very much faith on his journal. He knew the little book would be always there for when he felt angry or upset, and he was pleased to know that eventually, the power of writing would be the balm of relief for his children too.

**AN: Hope you liked it! :) **


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